Letters To God
I was caught off-guard when you entered my life.
I was full of pessimism and cynicism, before you entered my life.
I can’t explain that connection we had, that one fateful night,
But it led to adventures, everything felt right.
The laughing the dancing the planning the meeting
The greeting the eating the holding the feeling -
Her shape and scent still haunt my visions and thoughts.
But the warmth they bring releases the coldness I’ve brought
Upon myself as I waste into time and decay.
I hear you breathe. I feel you. My name, I hear you say.
I need an escape; I cannot bear the pain anymore.
The analogies made were naïve and sore
As they took effect – but were poorly executed.
My mind screams her name, but with words since muted.
I’ve lost you now, maybe to be regained, but only time can tell
As I spiral down through temporary eternal hell.
I write to my ‘God’ now, to seek redemption, and I ask
Her why all good things must end? Why the future must become past?
Surely a secret well kept becomes a secret to share?
But a secret shared can so easily lead to despair –
I waste away into this darkness created, so bored of emotion.
No name. No recognition. Time knows I’ll show them
The error of their ways. The error of mine showing true.
My frenzied schemes were too rushed and see-through…
‘Get up’, ‘Move on’, ‘Better things’ I hear them cry.
Nothing ever gets easier when you begin to try -
My pen starts to move. The words unfurl into title and reasons
For writing my Letters to God; she responds with the seasons.
My ‘God’ sighs in reply and shrugs. She has no answer.
I regret what I’ve lost but relish in the keepings. The past and her
Are gone – for now; but the memories will last my whole life –
Such as the night I was caught off-guard.